IGBOK

I'm sure you're wondering what on earth the title of my blog means today. Well, bear with me and I'll tell you. :)  I've been working on exercising more lately. I go through spells of walking every day to not walking at all. Well, since my life seems to be "on hold" at the present time, I figure I might as well get back to exercising on a regular basis.  I'm more motivated as well since a married couple bought all of Durant one of these UP Band/Fit Band things that counts your steps and monitors your sleep and calories (if you're into that calorie thing. ha!).  They are pretty cool, but boy what I'd give to have had one of these bands when I was a kid. I would have KILLED my steps every day as much as I was outside. I sure miss those days sometimes.  Well anyway, today is just one of those days when I'm in a funk. We all have these days, it's called life.  To clear my mind, walking and listening to music is always therapeutic for me.  I have anxiety issues, and the only way I can relieve that sometimes is to brisk walk.  It's also a good time for me to talk to God, to let him know that I'm just frustrated and sick of everything. Today was one of those days where I'm just angry. Angry at myself, angry at the world with all that is going on, angry that nothing ever seems to work out for me in my life, angry because I look around and see that everyone else's life just seems to fall into place, angry with job searching, angry with people constantly using me, angry that I'm always the nice, happy, go lucky girl that no one truly knows the loneliness I face day after day...you name it, I'M ANGRY.  Then I start questioning things..."What if I'd not moved to Tennessee?" "What if I'd married that one guy?" "What if I'd taken that job that I turned down years ago?" "What if, what if, what if...."  I can make myself crazy asking "What if...",  and I try not to do that often.  But on the downer days, Satan likes to throw that in my face, along with telling me I'm a loser, telling me that nothing ever works out for me. He tells me this so much that I start believing it, then I just don't care about anything anymore, and I just want to run away and not tell anyone where I am. Just completely go off the grid. But the cool thing about it is, I can go to God about all of this, and I can throw it on Him. I can tell Him exactly how I feel when I have no one else who will listen or give me the line, "I'm praying for you."  Nothing wrong with that, and I'm glad people are praying for me,  but sometimes, you just need more than those words. You know what I mean? You need someone to actually be there, to hug you. Only single/lonely people understand that.   So this brings me to IGBOK.  As I was walking through a neighborhood today, I passed a truck parked on the side of the road. I could see a bumper sticker on it that said, "IGBOK". I thought, what in the world?  As I got closer, I could see words underneath it that said, "It's Gonna Be OK."  It was close to the end of my walk, and I'd been griping to God the entire walk, and I couldn't help but smile when I saw that bumper sticker. Because I don't think it was coincidence that I just "so happened" to see that bumper sticker at that time.  I think that was one of those God moments. I know some people are probably thinking I'm nuts for thinking that, but I really believe God puts things in our paths like this just when we need it.  I don't think they just happen.  And I know that's God's way of saying, "Will you trust me? It's gonna be ok."  I don't understand life. I don't understand why some things seem to work for some people and not for others of us.  I don't know what I'm supposed to do sometimes. I don't have it all figured out. And you know what?? It's gonna be ok that I don't have all the answers.  All I have to do is TRUST. Trust The One who holds this entire crazy, nutty world in His Hands. Trust The One who keeps it turning day after day. Trust The One who holds my future, who holds YOUR future.  Why is it so hard to remember this?  So today, if you're having a tough day like me, I hope God puts something in your path that tells you, "IGBOK" because, yeah...it's gonna be ok.