So this is 40. I’ve had a great birthday. Pretty simple, laid back, but it’s been a good day. I have more celebrating to do in the upcoming weeks, so it was actually nice relaxing today for the most part, and I didn‘t even get any black balloons or anything. That’s a plus right there, right? :-) Funny how turning 40 didn’t bother me at all, but when I turned 30, I felt like life was over. I’m not quite sure why, maybe it was because I was working at Old Navy when I was 29, and everyone there kept talking like I was SO ancient. You know, 29 is pretty old compared to, oh say…22! Good grief. I felt like an ancient ruin the way people talked about my age there. I had such a complex working there. There were about 3 people older than me, so it was not fun being reminded of how “old” I was every single day I worked there. Thankfully I’d gotten a new job by the time I turned 30. I can only imagine the love I would have been shown if I’d turned 30 at Old Navy. :-) Well, looking back now, I realize 30 is not old, just as I will probably realize 40 is not old when I turn 50. I think the older I get, the more I realize age is just a number, and the less I seem to care…well, about several things, but especially about age and what people think of me. HA! I’ve also realized a few other things about turning 40. Being the 8th birthday I’ve celebrated without my grandma made me realize that it’s just another birthday closer to seeing her again. Being 40 reminds me of getting one year closer to Heaven. And being 40 reminds me of one very important thing. 40 years ago in 1973, abortion was made legal. It hit me that my mother could have aborted me at the time she was pregnant with me and I could have easily not been celebrating birthday number 40 today. I’m not making this a political post or to start arguments, I’m just saying that if my mom had not made the decision to keep me, I would not be here typing this blog right now. Sometimes, I’m not sure why the Lord has blessed my life the way He has. I guess He had big plans for me. He put me in a family that taught me about Jesus. A family that wasn’t perfect by any means, but whose family is? But we were a family that loved one another. And what a blessing to be born on my grandmother’s birthday. I can only imagine the joy on her face when she found out about me being born on her birthday. What are the chances of that happening?? Especially when I was supposed to come around July 4th. Surpise!! :-) So today, the day of my birth, I have so many reasons to be thankful. Thankful for all the birthdays I shared with my grandmother (the above pictures are from our birthday in 1993 when I was the BIG 20!! I can hardly believe those pictures were taken 20 years ago.), thankful for all the friends who have shared birthdays/slumber parties with me through the years, thankful for 40 years of life, and I’m most thankful for a mother who chose to keep me in 1973. So this is 40!! I believe this is going to be the best decade yet!! I’m ready…so bring it!! Thanks to all of you for all the birthday wishes today. I am overwhelmed by all the love I’ve been shown!! God Bless!!
This past weekend was a flying trip, but much needed. I enjoyed my time in St. Louis, and I enjoyed the short visit I had in my hometown. I haven't been home since September 2011, when I went to my high school reunion. It's just hard for me to get away now between pet sitting, singing on the praise team at church, and traveling around with Durant. Plus, I don't have any family at "home" anymore, so I really just don't make it back there much. Most of my friends have moved away except for a few, and it's always hard trying to coordinate schedules to meet up there. Life just happens to all of us. I think when you graduate from high school, you know things are going to be a little different, but I don't think you realize HOW different until you get older. Your friends start getting married, having kids and families of their own with busy schedules. Nothing stays the same. I don't feel like I've been out of school for 20 plus years, it just seems like yesterday that I was walking across the stage to get my diploma on that hot, sweltering night in May of 1991. But after that happened, things have just never been the same. My entire class went separate ways. To college in other states, to jobs, to getting married, to join the military, etc. There are times that high school seems like an eternity ago, and yet in other ways, it feels like yesterday. So as I was home this past weekend just for a short time, I was able to go to several areas of town where so many of my memories still remain. Houses I used to live in, driving by my grandparents house where many holidays with family were spent, driving by the schools I attended from Kindergarten through High School, the church where I grew up and was baptized in, visiting with former neighbors who were neighbors for 30 years and are more like family than friends. As I was at their house visiting, I couldn't help but think of all the fun things I used to do in their house as well as outside in that neighborhood. Sometimes I wonder how I didn't get hurt by some of the dumb stuff I did. Trying to do tricks on skateboards and bikes, having a firecracker blow up in my face while I was lighting it, racing bikes and almost having a head on collision with one of the neighbor kids. To this day, only God allowed us to miss each other because there wasn't a half inch between our handle bars. I will never forget that moment as I saw my life flash before my eyes. Then there were the moments of playing ball in the yard, getting yelled at by the little old ladies around the neighborhood to "get out of my yard." The times I went roller skating on the sidewalk to the corner and back, riding Big Wheels, walking around the neighborhood with our boom boxes turned up as loud as they would go because that was the cool thing to do in the 80's, you know. Playing hours and hours of Atari, break dancing on cardboard in the front yard. HAHA! Yes, there's a picture for you in your head of ME trying to break dance. It's the place where I learned to ride a bike when I was 5, the place where many pictures were taken on the front steps of our old house on the first day of school, graduations, Homecomings and Proms. So many memories flood my mind from that little town. There wasn't much to do in a small town, so the biggest thrill for my friends and I was when we turned 16 and got our Driver's License. We were able to cruise the streets and "be cool". I still know the route, cruise up Main Street to McDonalds, back down Delaware through the park, and back to Main Street. It was a continuous loop that we would drive for hours it seemed. Wonder how much gas we wasted back then? Of course gas was significantly cheaper in the 80's and early 90's compared to today. I had my share of bad times in that little town, but my good times far outweigh the bad. So, maybe I don't live there anymore, but who says you can't go home? I felt right at home when I was there the other day...and DiMaggio's Pizza is STILL the best pizza around! Thanks for taking a walk down memory lane with me. Sometimes it's fun to be nostalgic. God Bless!
"Mama said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this, my mama said..." Yeah, I know what you're thinking, "How does she know that song? It was way before her time." ;-) Well, when it comes to music, I have several decades covered. I'm a music geek, what can I say?? I told someone just the other day that if all my subjects in school had been set to music, I would have been Valedictorian. Let's just say, I didn't come close to Valedictorian...or even Salutatorian. Oh no, my GPA was more like Crematorium. But I digress... Today has been a pretty rough day in our family. Hannah didn't receive such great news, so we've all kinda been in a funk today. Isn't life funny?? One day, you're just sailing along, and the next it can throw you such a curve ball. People often ask me why I'm always so happy or how it seems nothing ever gets me down. Oh there is plenty that gets me down, I think I just have become a master at hiding it well. Nor do I feel the need to verbalize it on a Facebook status. What good does it do? I don't want to be one of those "Debbie Downer" people on FB. Yeah, you know the ones I'm talking about because they're on your newsfeed, too. But it's just a part of life to get down and have some rotten days. Even on my down days, there is a part of me that is always reminded that these days are not going to last forever. These days are passing me by quickly even if I don't feel they are at the moment. It's during the harder moments of life that I'm so very thankful to know "this world is not my home...I'm just a-passin' through... " With each passing day, I'm getting one step closer to that perfect home. The one waiting for me right now. I don't understand often times why we have to go through what we go through. I don't understand one inkling of why Hannah can't get a break, but I know in my heart of hearts that God has a plan for her. He's already using her in more ways than any of us could have ever imagined. I cannot believe the hearts she's touched and the people who are moved by her endurance. People who have never even met her continuously posting about her on their status on Facebook. It blows me away to know that so many people care about Hannah and our family so much. All of you who are doing all of this and praying so fervently are blessing us more than you will ever know, and thank you just doesn't seem like enough. I think we are probably all wondering why Hannah has to deal with so much "stuff", but I know without a doubt that one day, she will be perfect, she will be whole. There will be no more heart doctors or eye doctors. There will be no more bad news. I know she will never have to deal with any of this stuff again. Why does she have to endure it now? Maybe it's to teach me or you a lesson. Maybe it's to teach me to shut up and stop complaining because really? How hard is my life in comparison to hers? I don't have good vision, but it's not been so bad that it can't be fixed by glasses and contacs. I've never had 3 open heart surgeries before the age of 1, not to mention the 50 plus others surgeries she's had over the course of 12 years of life. My goodness, I've never even been in the hospital and I'm 40 (almost). I've never even broken a bone (knock on wood). My health has been out of this world. The worst thing I've ever had in my life to deal with is having my wisdom teeth removed when I was 21. I have been FAR more than blessed with good health. Hannah is my hero, there's just no other way to put it, and she has taught me more than I have ever learned from anyone. But she's mostly taught me to be content, to shut up, and stop complaining when my head hurts or my nose is stopped up. When I get sick, my sickness goes away. Hers is her life, and yet when you ask her how she is doing she is ALWAYS "good!" That is her answer every time you ask her. What a blessing Hannah is to me and so many others. She is an angel on earth, and I know that God is with her every step of the way even if we might wonder where He is. Just like I said in a previous blog, He is THERE. He is there in all of the doctors and nurses who tend to Hannah, He is there in the midst of all of our tears, He is there in the the friends who have poured out so much love and prayers to us. My God is THERE. So today, you can sing the song, "mama said there'd be days like this..." or you can sing, "He knows my name, He sees each tear that falls..." I choose the latter because I know my God sees all and He is with us every step of the way. I cannot imagine living life without Him. Thanks to each of you again for your prayers! It means more than you can ever know to our family. God Bless!
I know I seem to blog about "time" fairly often, but the older I get, the more I realize just how fast it goes. I remember being a kid, and summer vacation and the days seemed eternal. Now that I'm knocking on 40's door...not so much. I really see the days flying past me. I find myself thinking, "Where has the time gone? I was just 20 yesterday, and now I'm almost 40?" Really??!!! Not that I think 40 is ancient or anything, but I remember my parents turning 40. I was 13, and that just seemed like an old fogey to me. My goodness, and it would be a LOOOOOOOONG time until I turned 40. I think I blinked twice and here I am. Where did all those years go? And how is it possible that my parents are now in their 60's and retired? Today I had the privilege of visiting with a man from my church who has terminal cancer. I just saw him about a month ago, he was up walking around and joking like he always does, but not so much today. He took a bad fall last week, and now he's been given a few months to live. As I was sitting in his living room today visiting with his wife, I couldn't help but notice something. As he is lying in his hospital bed with not much energy and dozing off from time to time, I couldn't help but notice the pictures of him around the living room on the wall. Pictures from years gone by of a strong, healthy man. A family man with pictures with his kids when they were small. A church photo of he and his wife. Photos with the grandkids. All of these pictures reminded me of a man that used to be. Pictures from those glorious 70's and 80's with the library and office backgrounds. Yes, you know the ones I'm talking about. :) Pictures that probably seem like a lifetime ago to his family. As I sat and listened to his wife talk to my mom, I couldn't help but let my mind and eyes wander off to those pictures, and then to him lying in his bed resting. I can hardly make it be the same man that is in those photos. This is not the first time that I've experienced something like this. I've done it with relatives of mine and other folks from church who have passed on. What happens to us? How do we go from being strong one day to letting cancer eat us up the next? These are the times when perspective smacks me in the face. Time is fleeting and one day, that is going to be each one of us lying in that hospital bed when people from our churches are coming to visit us. Will they look at my old pictures and wonder what happened to the strong, young girl? Sometimes I push death to back of my mind, as we all do. It's easy to tell yourself you're not "old", and 70, 80, 90 years old is a lifetime away. But is it? I can't even figure out how I got to 40, let alone when I get to 70. I want to use my time wisely while I'm here, and I can say that I've wasted a lot of years that the Good Lord has given me. But I want to stop doing that. I want to make a difference in someone's life, and I want people to see the Lord through me. If I can change one heart, I have at least done something for the the good of God's Kingdom. I want to keep perspective, I want to live life and make a difference. I want to love people right where they are even when they may be unlovable. God has certainly loved me MANY times when I've been unfaithful and unlovable. Shouldn't I do the same with people? So how about you? How are you using your time? Are you working, working, and working just to get more things and live the good life? Or are you keeping perspective and making a difference in the lives of people? I can't answer that for you, but I know you know the answer deep within your heart. And if you need some help figuring out what's important in life, I suggest you go visit someone with a terminal disease. If that doesn't make you think about what's important, I don't know what will. Go out today and be an encourager in someone's life. Keep perspective in the forefront of your mind. You never know what people are going through, and YOU could make all the difference in the world. God Bless!
Well, I think we can all agree that I'm a pretty rotten blogger. :) I used to be good about posting almost daily a few years ago, but then it seems I get busy, I get bored with writing, other things are distracting me...like life. But today, I just felt a bit compelled to write. Last night I watched a DVD from the Passion series with Louie Giglio. I've seen this DVD series before, but every time I watch them again, it's like it's the first time all over for me. And undoubtedly every time, I have tears streaming down my face even though I tell myself, "I'm not going to cry this time." I just cannot watch these DVDs and not be moved. If you ever have the chance to see these DVDs, do not pass them up. It will bring God to you on a whole new level. So often, I put God on a human level. I mean, I know he's "big", but I don't know just HOW big. I pray and I think, how is He going to handle this problem or heal that person? I think these thoughts because I'm putting him on my level even though we read, "Nothing is impossible with God". I cannot stand when I do this, but isn't it just human nature? How can someone be so big to have created the entire universe to care for me and my problems? And how is someone ever going to "fix" them? Am I the only one who makes God so small at times?? As I watched this DVD last night, Louie Giglio was showing different stars and planets in our galaxy that are beyond anything we can comprehend. I'm serious, it will literally blow your mind. The earth is the size of a golf ball compared to the sun. Just let that sink in for a minute...we're on this little "dot" and God knows us, even down to the number of hairs on our head? WHOA! There is so much out there in space that our smallness has even yet to discover. There are things around us that we don't even know about or see, and yet God is always there for us, caring for us, loving us just where we are. We mean everything to Him. I need to see these reminders of the universe to knock me in the head and remind me, God is not "our size". He is not on our level, He is BIGGER than anything we can fathom. And yet I still worry and let stuff get me down. Every day I long for a stronger relationship with Him. Some days I feel close to Him, and other days, I feel He's a million miles away, but yet I NEVER doubt for one second that He's not there. That He's not watching my every move of each day. That He sees all my tears, struggles, heartaches, and my good times, too. He is THERE. I've had a song on my mind the past few days, and I just want to share some of the lyrics. If you've not heard the song, "He Knows My Name", I recommend looking for it on YouTube and just listen to the words. So today, my friends, I leave you with the words of a powerful song. He knows my name, and He knows yours, too. Take these words to heart today and may they bring you peace through your struggles and trials. God Bless!!
I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began,
My life was in His hands
He knows my name,
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call
I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go
He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call
